Bawww!

Photo Credit: Kati Engel

Lily had to get her last round of immunizations today. I was dreading this. Mark jokes that the whole team breaks down on shot day. It is true. I will never forget taking Lily in for her first round of shots when she was a brandnew . She screamed and cried and I silently wept until they let me bundle her up and runwalk the hell out of there with my poor teeny tiny baby. Mark followed behind with the diaper bag, my purse and my dignity because I was full on sobbing by the time we made it to the parking lot.

It has been different with Finn. He handles the punctures much better. He cries for a moment just after the initial stick. Then he is totally over it. It is as if it never happened.

Today, I brought Lily in. I had received a call that our normal (read favorite and wonderful) doctor was out sick today and that I should reschedule. I haggled with the admissions person because as I explained to her, I had just spent the morning psyching myself and Lily up for this undertaking. She got us in a mere 20 minutes later than our original appointment so we were all set. I will spare the gory details of how it all went down. Suffice it to say, I had to "bear hug" Lily on to the parchment paper covered bed while a big male nurse and a spry female nurse held her legs. She had NO idea why all the fuss was being made and was in adorably good spirits right up until the first wave of immunizations were administered. She then tried to flail free and began scream-crying. They did the second shots super quickly and it was all over. She kept the sirens wailing and at a moment of clarity shouted,

"I am NEVER doing this AGAIN!"

So, for all of you who read this, yes I did cry today. But at least I could derive some joy out of her perceived control over her little universe in that she thinks she commanded that Shots Shalt Not Be Administered Again. And in a way she is right. This is the last of her boosters so I am going to kowtow to my tiny dictator and let her keep the illusion of being in charge of her destiny.

I know I am in for so many hurts both visible and deep within for my littles. But today showed me that in the face of tremendous pain and betrayal, my daughter is a fierce and passionate soul who reacts vehemently against the things that dare to hurt her. She was crying but also so violently opposed to the thought of this injustice occurring that I got a very real sense of the person she has become. 

To risk being redundant, I think I like her. And I think I will keep her. 

Next enemy to face in battle. Band-Aids.

Deliciousness!

I had a task to do. My darling sister took on a project of making our stepmom her favorite dessert, Tiramisu. Tiramisu is not difficult but it does require a few steps, and a lot of uncommon ingredients. Jackster (sisterface) had to get her wisdom teeth pulled so I decided I would take the cake. All puns aside, I truly wanted to take on this monster job and do it well. I also love baking so I thought it would be funsies to try it. 

Here is the finished product.

But, as luck would have it, I had extra espresso and Kahula soaked ladyfingers. So, being the master of the cake bite (thank you, Bakerella) I added the rest of the Mascarpone, mixed it together and voila I had the filling for the truffle. I then melted down some bittersweet chips and dunked away. I added a few sprinkles of cocoa powder and they were finished. I tend to get carried away when experimenting with desserts so I tried out a shard recipe I had seen and also did some doodling with my piping bag on parchment paper. All in all it was a (sorry) sweet success!

A Tiger Who Has Earned Her Stripes

Your body is not ruined.

You are a goddamn tiger who has earned her stripes.

This is one of the most recent pictures I am using for inspiration while working out and eating healthily. I have had two babies in five years. So, of course my body looks a little different. Things...hang differently. Places are fuller and less lean. This doesn't mean I am disgusting or unattractive. I keep reminding myself that Lily is always watching and imitating me. It will be the end of me if I ever hear her say things I have said to myself in the mirror.

I am happier now than I have ever been. I am fulfilled beyond my wildest imaginings. That being said, I am also more... let's just call it stripey. I am more ready to call people out on their boohockey. I can readily accept that there is enough in this world that is unfair and I can do nothing about it. But there are small injustices I can try to right to make this a better place for my babies to grow up.

Yesterday, at the Y, I was gearing up for a workout. My darling dad called to confirm he was picking up Lily and we arranged a time to trade off the booster seat so he could do so. I took the phone into the front part of the locker room by the couches and tables and magazines. Now, nobody had explicitly stated "no cell phones" but I had been there enough to know it was frowned upon. I also knew, however, that all my belongings were strewn all over the bench and I was half changed so I just took it to a place that felt communal and phone safe. The phone call lasted 38 seconds and was done with me facing beige cement walls the entire time.

Boy was I wrong about it being no big deal. Two middle aged busybody biddies actually flagged down a Y employee and I heard them whispering to her that "SHE is on her phone!" It was the anxious loud whispering that little kids do when they are nervously telling on another child. They even pointed to me. After I got the perfunctory rules of the gym oration by the Y staffer, she turned and left. She was probably getting back to whatever she was going to do before the gray haired natters waived her down. 

When the locker room door closed, I turned to the tattletails and said, "Seriously... Seriously??" While nodding my head, eyebrows raised and apparently looking so menacing that they dared not respond. I wonder if it was my pink Ipod or my Harry Potter devil worshipping ringtone that got them so in bunches that they were incapacitated to even speak to me. They exchanged worried glances and looked all over as if hoping that I wasn't talking to them.

So I said, "Next time I need to arrange a ride home for my daughter I will be sure to rush outside so don't worry." Again, no response. Actually at this point they were gently nudging each other and shuffling toward the exit. I then rocked some amazing cardio and lifted heavier weights than I have in over a year.

And so the timid cub has become an intimidating and starkly striped tigress. Watch out next time we meet in the streets... I may cross the crosswalk without permission. Because I am CRAZY like that. 

And it helps my workout to call people out on their nonsense. 

Rahhhhrrrr.